Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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