we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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