Pappa wants mamma naked
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Randomize
