The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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