I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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