Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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