win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
