Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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