i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
