Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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