i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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