So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
