if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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