Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
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