The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
