If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
