im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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