i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
