He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
