this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
