maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
