This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
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