Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
