____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
