The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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