I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
so explain again why im purple
no
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Randomize
