i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
