I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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