I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
