I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
