Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
