Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
