I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
