3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
