the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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