if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
