i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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