my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
