I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You ruined the universe
Randomize
