worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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