people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
