He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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