so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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