Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
