She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
