i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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