dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Randomize
