decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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