Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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