So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
