its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
