I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
