if i can run in heels then i can drive
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
