I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
