Your mouth is God's brothel.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Just invented taco cereal.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
