so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
